10 Expert Relationship Communication Tips for Couples
Understanding how to communicate effectively is essential to cultivating a healthy and thriving relationship. This skill is even more vital for couples in long-distance relationships like ours. We feel like we are experts in this now!
The sad thing is, even though it’s a very important skill, communication can be challenging to navigate, and many couples find themselves struggling to express their feelings in a way that fosters understanding and strengthens the connection in their relationship.
We understand what it feels like to think your partner just doesn't get you during an argument or disagreement.. So we wrote this article and we’re diving into ten proven relationship communication tips. These tips will help you both build intimacy in your relationship and fortify your connection.
Importance of Communication in Relationships
Communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. It helps build trust, understanding, and intimacy between partners. When couples communicate effectively, they are able to resolve conflicts, express their emotions, and support each other through difficult times.
Couples with good communication have a deeper emotional connection and maintain a strong and healthy relationship.
On the other hand, poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance between partners. If your partner can’t express their needs and feelings effectively to you, they may feel frustrated, resentful, and disconnected from you.
No one wants this to happen. That’s why it's essential to put in the effort to practise effective communication.
4 Common Communication Styles in Relationships
The four main communication styles seen in relationships are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.
1. Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is basically when you express yourself in a way that's clear, honest, and respectful. No beating around the bush and no playing games. It’s important to understand that you can stand up for yourself without attacking the other person.
Here's an example: instead of screaming "You always interrupt me, you jerk!", you could say something like "I feel upset when you interrupt me." See the difference?
So, next time you're communicating with someone (especially in a relationship), try to be assertive. It'll help you get your point across without causing unnecessary drama.
2. Passive Communication
If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you just couldn't bring yourself to say what you really felt or needed? Maybe you've even apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or let someone else make decisions for you just to avoid conflict.
If you’re guilty of some or all of these, you’ve been practising passive communication. Most people do this to avoid confrontation and conflict. People who use passive communication tend to hold back their thoughts, feelings, and needs, and might even apologise excessively or struggle to say no.
It can be frustrating for both yourself and your partner, but it can also be hard to break out of this pattern.
Remember, it's okay to say no and to speak up for what you need. It might take some practice, but over time you'll find that you feel more confident and empowered in your relationships and interactions with others.
3. Aggressive Communication:
Aggressive communication involves using insults, threats, or intimidation to get what you want. It's like saying, "You're such a selfish person, you never think about anyone but yourself!"
In that moment you might actually feel that way about your partner but saying those words, from experience, is not going to help you resolve your issues with your partner.
If you want to communicate effectively with your partner, you need to be mindful of their feelings and needs. Try to express yourself in a calm and respectful manner.
Good communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. So, next time you feel like attacking your partner, take a deep breath and try to communicate in a more loving and respectful way. Your relationship will thank you for it.
4. Passive-Aggressive Communication
Have you ever been with someone who just can't seem to express their anger or resentment directly? You know, the type of person who gives you the silent treatment or makes sarcastic remarks instead of just speaking their mind? you're dealing with a passive-aggressive communicator.
They might say things like, "Oh, don't worry about it, I'll just do it myself like I always do." But really, what they mean is, "I'm so annoyed that you didn't offer to help me out, but I won't actually tell you that."
It's like playing a game of charades, except no one's having any fun. And let's be real, it's not just annoying - it's downright confusing.
If you find yourself dealing with a passive-aggressive communicator, my advice is to try and get them to open up. Maybe ask them directly what's bothering them, or try to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Figuring out how you communicate with your partner can help you gain insight into what you can change and how you can communicate better.
10 Expert Relationship Communication Tips
After figuring out what type of communicator you and your partner are, following these ten expert relationship communication tips can help you improve your communication skills and strengthen your relationship. If poor communication has made you both drift apart, hopefully, these tips will help rekindle that spark.
Practise Active Listening
Active listening is an essential communication skill that involves paying attention to your partner's words, body language, and emotions. If you want to be a good listener to your partner, active listening is the key!
Henry totally not zoning out of one of our chats…
The thing is it’s easier than it sounds. To practise active listening, you need to follow these simple steps:
Pay attention to your partner when they are speaking: Just focus on what they're saying. That means no scrolling on your phone or zoning out!
Avoid interrupting or distracting yourself while they are speaking: Don't interrupt them mid-sentence just to try to get a word in or prove a point. Let them say everything on their minds first.
Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand their point of view: Ask questions to clarify their thoughts and make sure you're on the same page. Henry really likes when he gets asked questions as it helps him to feel heard.
Reflect on what they said and paraphrase it to show that you are listening: Repeat whatever your partner has said in your own words. This shows you're paying attention and care about their opinion.
Show empathy and validate their feelings: Let your partner know you understand how they feel. Validate their emotions and let them know they're not alone. Robyn loves when Henry validates her feelings as it makes her feel heard.
Use "I" Statements
Try using "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. Here's what I mean. Instead of telling Henry something like "You never listen to me," I would say something along the line of "I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall, and it's frustrating me." See the difference?
"I" statements put the focus on your own experience, which can help your partner understand where you're coming from. It's also less likely to make them defensive or angry.
Avoid The Blame Game
You know the old saying, "When you point a finger, there are three pointing back at you." Blaming your partner for something can easily lead to defensiveness, resentment, and emotional distance.
When you blame your partner, it feels like an attack to them, and they'll naturally go into defence mode. They won't be able to hear what you're saying because they're too busy trying to defend themselves.
Here are some tips on how to avoid the blame game:
Focus on the issue at hand instead of blaming the person. Remember, it's not about attacking your partner, but about finding a solution together.
Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Saying "I feel hurt when this happens" is better than "You always do this to me."
"We" statements show that you're a team and working together to solve problems. It's not about one person's fault or responsibility, it's about both of you figuring out a solution.
Acknowledge your partner's perspective and feelings. Listen to what they have to say, and show that you understand how they feel. It's important to validate their feelings, even if you don't agree with them.
Avoid criticism and negative language. Instead, use positive and constructive language. For example, instead of saying "You never do this right," try saying "I think we could improve this by doing it this way."
Finally, focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Sometimes in a heated argument, you tend to forget you’re a team, and you're in this together. It’s always best to work towards finding a solution that works for both of you.
Be Honest and Transparent
Honesty and transparency are key in any relationship. If you're not being truthful with your partner, you're just setting yourself up for trouble. Keeping secrets and being dishonest can lead to suspicion and conflicts. Your partner won’t believe you and this can harm your relationship.
So, how can you be honest and transparent in your relationship:
Avoid lying and keeping secrets from your partner. It's just not worth it.
Be open about your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Share your vulnerabilities and weaknesses with your partner.
Be willing to accept responsibility for your mistakes and shortcomings.
Communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly. Don't be afraid to speak up and let your partner know what you want and need. It's better to be upfront about these things than to have misunderstandings later on.
Respect Each Other's Boundaries
Boundaries - the non-negotiable rules in a relationship that keep things running smoothly. Think of them as the road signs that guide your love journey and prevent you from crashing into a wall.
Boundaries are not just important, they're essential. They help you and your partner understand what's okay and what's a big no-no. Plus, they protect your mental and physical health. Nobody has time for toxic relationships that leave you feeling drained.
So, how do you make sure you're respecting each other's boundaries? Here are some tips:
Communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully
Listen and acknowledge your partner's boundaries
Avoid violating or crossing your partner's boundaries
Respect your partner's privacy and personal space
Negotiate and compromise when necessary
Stay Calm and Keep Your Emotions Under Control
Emotions can be powerful and overwhelming, and they can affect your communication and behaviour in a relationship. When you are angry, frustrated, or upset, you may say things you don't mean, hurt your partner's feelings, or damage your relationship. Therefore, it's essential to stay calm and manage your emotions effectively.
To stay calm and manage your emotions, you should:
Take a break and breathe deeply when you feel overwhelmed or triggered
Express your emotions constructively and respectfully
Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs
Avoid attacking or blaming your partner
Communicate Regularly
This is one of our key relationship communication tips.
Regular communication is key to keeping the flame burning. It helps you stay connected, informed, and engaged with your partner's life. If you’re finding it hard to keep up the communication, here are some conversation starters for couples so you never run out of things to say.
Here are some tips to help you communicate regularly with your partner:
Schedule a regular time for conversations and check-ins: You need to make it a priority. Set aside some time for regular conversations and check-ins. You can plan a weekly date night or just take a few minutes each day to catch up.
When we were long-distance, we always made sure we had a slot in the week where we would check in with each other! This helped us to feel connected and caught up with each other.
Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your partner: This is your chance to be open and honest, so don't hold back! And remember, communication is a two-way street. Be sure to actively listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings too.
Avoid distractions and interruptions during communication: One thing to keep in mind is to avoid distractions and interruptions during your conversations. Put your phone away and turn off the TV. This is your time to focus on each other.
Use different communication channels: Don't be afraid to use different communication channels. Sometimes a text message can be just as meaningful as an in-person conversation. Mix it up and see what works best for you and your partner.
Often, we’ll go on a romantic date night if we want to have a deep and meaningful conversation.
Show Empathy
Empathy in a relationship is the ability to tune in to your partner's feelings and understand where they're coming from. When you show empathy, you show that you care and you're willing to put yourself in their shoes. It's a powerful tool for long-lasting relationships.
To show empathy, you should:
Listen actively and attentively to your partner
Acknowledge and validate your partner's feelings
Put yourself in your partner's shoes and imagine their perspective
Avoid judging or criticising your partner's emotions
Offer support and comfort when needed
Acknowledge Each Other's Feelings
Acknowledging your partner's feelings is an absolute must. No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel unheard and unappreciated. Show your partner you understand and respect their emotions, even if you don't agree with them.
To acknowledge your partner's feelings, you should:
Listen actively and attentively to your partner
Use reflective listening and paraphrasing to show that you understand
Avoid dismissing or belittling your partner's feelings
Show empathy and support
Offer validation and reassurance
Celebrate Your Differences
Every relationship is unique, and partners may have different perspectives, values, and preferences, but sometimes, those differences between partners can feel like obstacles.
It's important to respect and appreciate your partner's perspective and values. Just because they see things differently than you, doesn't mean they're wrong.
When you do come across differences that seem like deal breakers, try to find common ground and compromise when necessary. Relationships are all about give and take. And if you can meet each other halfway, you'll both be happier for it. Celebrating your differences isn't always easy, but it's definitely worth it.
Conclusion
Effective communication is an essential skill for any relationship that wants to stand the test of time. When we were not together all of the time, practising these tips made a world of difference in our relationship. We’ve seen a huge difference in how we communicate and handle any difference of interest.
It is also important to remember that it is ok for you to both communicate in different ways. If you were both the same then it probably wouldn’t work. Difference is good!
By following these ten expert relationship communication and dating tips, you can improve your communication skills, deepen your emotional connection with your partner, and strengthen your bond.
FAQs on Relationship Communication Tips
What should I do if my partner doesn't listen to me during conversations?
They can try to use active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing or reflective listening, to show that they are listening. You can also express your feelings and needs assertively and respectfully.
How do I deal with conflicts in my relationship?
You can use constructive conflict resolution techniques, such as active listening, compromise, and negotiation. You can also seek the help of a counsellor or therapist if necessary.
How often should I communicate with my partner?
The frequency of communication depends on your preferences and schedules. However, regular communication is essential for building a strong and healthy relationship.
What should I do if my partner violates my boundaries?
You can assertively communicate your boundaries and ask your partner to respect them. If your partner continues to violate your boundaries, you may need to seek the help of a counsellor or therapist.
Can I improve my communication skills on my own?
Yes, you can practise communication skills through self-help resources, such as books, online courses, or workshops. You can also seek the help of a counsellor or therapist for personalised guidance and support.
